Trying Something
by inkheart9459
Summary: The book never told Regina how much being a good guy can hurt. When Milah comes to her, speaking of something missing in her relationship with Emma, she knows that she could have everything she wanted, a chance at Emma, with just a few words. But that isn't her anymore and so she gives Milah what advice she can. She just never thought it would lead to this.


This is for Swan Queen Week Winter 2015 Day four: Canon Divergence AU. Wherein Milah is Captain Hook. Be warned that there is a bit of Milah/Emma in here in a much better version of captain swan than what's on the show. I know some of you are only here for Swan Queen, so if that's your shtick, you probably should avoid for that reason. Enjoy guys.

* * *

Regina had been suspicious of Milah since her days as Evil Queen and for good reason. She was a devious bastard, hell bent on one goal and one goal alone, to kill Rumplestiltskin as he had her pirate lover years ago. Anything that stood in the way of that goal was of no consequence. There was no love lost between the Evil Queen and the self-proclaimed Captain Hook.

There was even less love between the two of them when Regina had found out her mother was alive and well and that Milah herself had paired with her mother to hitch a ride to a land without magic. Regina understood revenge, she understood stabbing people in the back to attain your goals at any cost, but leaving her mother alive was almost unforgivable. The destruction her mother could cause was not worth anything in the world, not even revenge in her darkest of days.

Her only saving grace during the entire debacle had been the woman's refusal to help turn the town, and therefore Henry against Regina. She had come in the middle of the night to warn her of her mother's plot before slipping away again to play the part of obedient minion. Her compassion extended to losing sons but no more when Rumple was just in her grasp.

It had been enough to save her in the end. She had found Emma just before the supposed murder of Archie, had watched her mother's plan unfold from behind the blinds at Granny's. Regina had insisted that they play it as her mother wanted. It was the only way to truly win. They couldn't face her head on but they could plot underhandedly.

Rumple and Milah together took all that planning from them. Her mother had almost won while the Dark One languished, dying of poison only Milah herself used. Regina didn't blame her for taking the chance, once upon a time she would have done it herself, but she blamed Milah only slightly less for the death of her mother than she did Snow. She had set off the chain of events, but Snow, the ridiculous fool, had listened to a dying man who never told the whole truth. And then claimed that it was for the greater good. It was disgusting. As much as she despised Milah, at least she wasn't denying what she was.

But then came Owen and Tamara and the torture session that never seemed to end and then a trip to Neverland and Regina had no time to dwell on it. Regina saw what was happening between the pirate and Emma, the lingering glances and the tension. She knew it well enough and she knew something had to give. She wasn't surprised to find Milah and Emma kissing after the daring rescue of the Charming idiot. She had ignored the fire that had flooded through her veins at the sight.

She had almost laughed when Neal Cassidy stumbled back into camp to find his mother standing alive before his eyes staring at Emma like she was a prized piece of meat. She had most definitely enjoyed the explosion afterwards of what Neal thought of that union, however short it had been. She had sympathized when he went off on Milah about being a horrible mother, however. She had cast a silencing charm, despite wanting to save her energy, just so Milah could tell her side of the story. If she had appreciated the thankful glance she had gotten in return, well no one would say anything.

And Milah, as distasteful as Regina found her, had a great many similarities to her. Neverland progressed, and it seemed like she had started on a redemption arc of her own. By the time the landed back on Storybrooke's shores Regina had almost become uncomfortable with all they shared in similarities, right down to the biting wit. She could see just how Emma and Milah would work, the only ones to understand each other and the darkness they carried inside. She didn't want to dwell on the fact that rage bubbled within her seeing them together.

Then another curse and back to the Enchanted Forest and there was no time to dwell with Zelena hot at her heels. Milah disappeared early on and Regina thought good riddance while feeling something completely different. She had fought through it just as she had fought through everything and channeled the pain she felt from losing Henry and everyone else into fighting until there was nowhere left to fight and the only option was to cast yet another curse and return to Storybrooke.

She was furious that Milah had gone to get Emma and Henry and more so since she'd given the memory potion to Emma. A year, she'd been a year without her son and then he was right in front of her and he was a world away. She ignored Milah's apologetic glance out of spite.

She ignored everything, how Milah and Emma were drawling closer together, how her redemption was being aided at every turn by the savior who acknowledged that Milah was problematic, but that she was working on it with help while Regina struggled on with the unhelpful help of the two idiots and half the town still against her. She ignored the dates, the fact that Zelena used Milah against Emma and that it had worked. She ignored so much that Zelena was defeated and so was the Snow Queen before she even realized what was going on.

And so she was in a quiet era in Storybrooke with nothing to watch but another villain getting their happy ending before she did.

* * *

Regina sighed and signed another piece of paperwork. Snow made a terrible mayor, she had so much to catch up on. She was almost glad that the two idiots had a child and were a sickly sweet family to the point of distraction. And if she was smiling thinking about baby Neal, well, that was between her and the papers because she wasn't smiling over the two idiots. No, not at all.

Someone knocked on her door, revealing Milah, weighed down as normal in the wake of Neal's death and Rumple's banishment. Regina understood both that as much as you hated someone, there was still part of you that loved them as unhealthy as it was. She understood the loss of a child, even if she didn't quite understand what it meant to lose them to death instead of a curse. Milah had sought her out for this reason a few times. As much as Regina should hate her, after three years and counting she found she couldn't. Not anymore.

"Milah, come in."

She strode in like the weight of the world wasn't on her shoulders and sat down. She flopped down on a chair with that pirate swagger of hers and looked up at Regina with tired eyes.

"A bad day I take it." Regina arched an eyebrow.

"Mmm, if by bad you mean completely horrible, then yeah, I supposed you might be right." She brushed her long hair out of her face.

"Would you like to talk about it?"

"No. I just..." She trailed off looking anywhere but at Regina.

"Then sit as long as you like."

Regina started to scratch away at paperwork again. Milah not wanting to talk usually didn't last long. She was a doer, a talker, a thinker, in every way that Emma was not. They were perfect compliments of each other. Regina hurt just thinking about it.

"Emma and I. I don't think we're going to work out. I think I love her, I do, but just, everything isn't fitting to matter what we do. I think the lass is starting to figure it out too. I don't know what to do."

Regina tried so hard not to perk up at that. That ache in her chest that lodged itself there and hurt for days after she saw them together finally lifted. There might be a chance. But Milah was her friend and so was Emma despite the odds. She couldn't selfishly mess everything up.

Sometimes she really hated being one of the good guys.

"Why is it that you feel you aren't working? Is there anything in particular? On paper you should be a perfect match."

Milah fiddled with her hook absently. "There's just...something missing. Everything is perfect, well I mean, as perfect as you can get realistically. There are still fights and the like, but." Milah paused to think over her wording. "You know that feeling you get when you wake up from a good dream but you can't quite remember anything more than it being good, that longing afterwards? That's what it feels like. It doesn't matter how perfect your life is, you still ache for that dream, even though you don't know what it is."

Milah shook her head and sat back in her chair. She ruffled her hair again and tapped her hook against her thigh. She was the picture of distraught, Regina thought.

"But Emma is the best thing that's happened to me and we're heading for a break up and as much as I long for whatever is missing, I know I can't deal without her either. Which, I suppose, only makes it worse because I am hanging on tighter than I should now. Emma's trying to run. Because as much as we are the same, we are so very different."

Regina looked at Milah, lips pursed. She had no idea what to do. Her relationship experience hadn't exactly been the best. Or anywhere near the best, really. One significant other killed by her mother, one forced into being her pet and then killed by her own hand. Of all the things she had done, Graham had been one of the heaviest to bear.

Which meant she had no real frame of reference for this problem. And she so did not want to help, but at the same time she did just as much if not more. She got up and moved around her desk to sit in the chair opposite Milah. She reached out and took her one remaining hand easily. Milah, unlike so very many before her, had never flinched at her touch.

Milah squeezed her hand but wouldn't look directly at Regina. She recognized that for what it was. The woman never cried. Holding her feelings in had been beaten into her as a pirate. Regina supposed it had probably started long before that being Rumple's wife.

" I can't advise you on any of your problems. Other than the fact that I know you and Emma love each other a great deal as everyone can see I have little information on what could be wrong to cause you to feel that longing you were describing. Who knows, since I have such little experience, there could be no cause at all. But I am here to listen, as I always have been."

Milah sighed, blinking rapidly before turning back to Regina. "That you are." She smiled weakly. "And you're good at it too, even if there's no advice you have to offer. It's nice to just speak about it sometimes."

Regina squeezed Milah's hand again and stood. She walked back to her desk with her eyes screwed shut. Sometimes it truly hurt to be good. That stupid book had never said that. All she wanted and she could take it with a few well-placed words but no. She wasn't that person anymore and she liked Milah far too much, far more than she had ever planned to.

Regina sat back down again and started to work. Milah would be silent again for a long while, she knew, but she wouldn't leave quite yet. She signed and signed papers instead, letting the other woman be.

An idea occurred to her as she closed yet another manila folder. "Saturday, you should come with Emma to family dinner."

Every Saturday since Emma and Henry had gotten back from New York they had had a family dinner, just the three of them, followed by a circus of movies and board games and video games. Regina had loved every single minute of it, getting her favorite two people all to herself.

"But Regina, that's your guys' time, your family time."

"You're family as well. In more ways than one really." Honestly some days Henry's family tree made her head hurt. "Besides if I see you and Emma together I might be able to see something the both of you are missing."

Milah thought it over for a few seconds. "Ok. I'll come on Saturday. But you cannot bitch at me if it doesn't turn out well or about losing one on one time."

Regina snorted. Milah knew her a bit too well.

"I won't, dear."

Milah stood with a small smile. "Good. But I'll let you get back to your work for now. I'll see you on Saturday." And with that she was gone with all her normal pirate swagger.

* * *

Regina stirred the salad she was preparing a little harder than was strictly necessary. As comfortable as these family dinners had been ever since the first one, this was different. She was nervous like it was her first date as a teenager. She liked Milah, and she more than liked Emma, individually but she had never actually been with them together for any length of time that didn't involve saving Storybrooke from imminent doom.

Emma walked through the front door with Milah in tow. Regina recognized the clomp of her boots on the marble of the foyer and really only Emma would barge right into the Evil Queen's home. But then again she only did that with permission since Regina had grown tired of answering the door in the middle of dinner preparations for someone with whom she co-parented her son. If anyone besides Regina herself should be able to walk right in it was Emma.

"Regina, we brought wine!" Emma called out.

Regina winced. There was a reason she was having trouble breaking Henry's habit of shouting in the house and its name was Emma Swan. Sometimes mother and son were far too much alike.

The two of them ambled into the kitchen. Emma set two bottles of wine down on the counter. Regina looked them over quickly. Both were adequate. Emma had started out buying wine just a step up from boxed. Regina had looked at her and cocked an eyebrow at the cheap bottles. That had led to a dinner long conversation about why which wine mattered and which wines were actually good. Emma, for her part, had apparently listened.

"Didn't know what you were making so I grabbed one red and one white. I didn't figure the three of us would really mind an extra bottle." Emma smiled that charming smile of hers.

Milah hip checked her. "I don't see what the big deal about wine is, darling."

Regina just snorted. "Because your tastes extend to rum and nothing more, pirate."

Milah mock bowed. "Nicest thing you've called me, your majesty."

"Oh, I'm just warming up. Remember, dear, we have all evening long to come up with insults."

"I look forward to a battle of wits with you then."

"Is it a battle when one person is unarmed?" Regina smirked.

Emma laughed. "Oh my god, you two are worse than when I first came to Storybrooke." She wrapped an arm around Milah's waist.

For some reason in her own home with the two of them so close, it didn't hurt so much as it normally did. Regina fought a frown at that. This reaction bared inspection, but Regina wasn't going to touch it with a ten foot pole. Better to just accept it and move on.

"Yes, dear, except I actually like Milah. I was out to kill you, if you remember."

"Yeah, how could I forget. I could never really figure out if you wanted to rip my head off or fuck my brains out or maybe both."

Now that comment did send a zing of pain through Regina. It wasn't far from the truth. "Yes, well, wouldn't you like to know." Regina gestured to a stack of plates. "Now set the table like a good little child."

Emma rolled her eyes at the millionth child remark that she'd ever heard from Regina but complied. Milah stayed behind and leaned one hip against the counter.

"Anything I can do to help?" Milah asked.

Regina looked around and frowned at what was left to do. There wasn't much. She was still so very anal about being completely on time despite Emma's constant badgering that she needed to chill everyone now and again.

"Uncork the wine, if you would. The red should go better with our meal. Besides, white is better to drink alone and I hold no illusions that both bottles will be gone before the night is through." Regina smirked at Milah. With a pirate and Emma Swan in her house no alcohol was safe. She slid the corkscrew to Milah and turned back to the salad.

Milah uncorked the red and let it breathe for a few minutes. She searched out three wine glasses and poured them each a glass. She walked over and handed Regina a glass. Regina took it gratefully, swirled the liquid around a few times to incorporate some more air and then took a sip. She sighed. It wasn't bad at all. Her tutelage really was paying off.

Milah remained close to Regina's side, watching as she finished the salad, grabbed the chicken parmesan from the warm oven and looked everything over. She nodded and Milah grabbed the salad bringing it out to the table as Regina followed behind with the chicken. It felt odd just how natural this was. She and Emma had had weeks to get the routine down. Not that they had needed weeks. They had fit together as easily as this. But then again, Regina had been in love with Emma for a very long time, she had paid attention to a great many things about the other woman. It made sense that they fit. She wasn't sure what it meant that all three of them were the same way.

She shook herself. It didn't matter. It was just a meal, a family meal, she was overanalyzing it. She set the dish on the table and straightened to go fetch Henry from the living room.

"Henry! Dinner!" Emma screamed.

Regina glared at her while Milah just laughed. "Miss Swan! I'm having a hard enough time telling our son that shouting within the house is unacceptable and then you go and make it that much harder."

Emma only looked slightly cowed. She shrugged. "Sorry, but hey, no one has to go get the kid at least."

Henry appeared a second later proving Emma right. "Hey Ma. Hey Milah." Henry had decided long ago that it was a bit odd to call the woman his other mother was dating his grandmother. Regina didn't quite blame him. It wasn't as if Milah acted much like a grandmother in the first place besides the inherent oddness.

"Henry, no matter how much your mother shouts in this house, I must emphasize that it is not polite, nor tolerated in this house. Your mother was just raised in a barn, but you are a young man with manners."

She could tell that Henry was resisting rolling his eyes. "Yes, Mom." He flopped down in his seat and inhaled deeply. "Smells great."

"You got that right, kid." Emma grabbed the salad bowl. "So let's eat."

Regina just looked up at the sky. Gods above help her. She was never going to instill proper manners in anyone around her. She sat down in her seat at the head of the table and sighed, trying not to let the smile that was itching to come out show on her face. She was irritated not amused. And yet her family just had a way of amusing her even while they were being idiots. Milah looked at her and smiled warmly. She knew exactly what was going on in Regina's head. Regina just cocked an eyebrow at the woman and dared her to speak. Milah cocked an eyebrow right back, but reached for the chicken and dished herself out a piece instead of talking.

The conversation flowed as easily as it always did. Milah was not a detriment, if anything she added to the relaxed atmosphere of the evening. Regina caught herself staring at the other woman far more than she should be. She was looking at her just as much as she was Emma. And she was catching the glances from both Emma and Milah just as often. Both of them thought they were being covert, but they weren't. At least Milah was better about hiding her looks than Emma was. Regina shook her head. Emma was hopeless in a great many things, but oddly that was part of her charm.

When dinner was over Henry shot off to set up the game for the night. He was determined that they were all going to play Mario Kart and that he was going to beat every single one of them. Regina would humor him, but she had been playing Mario Kart since the first game had come out on the Super Nintendo. There hadn't been much to do in Storybrooke in the first eighteen years of the curse so she had consumed every type of media available. Her son, however, still didn't know this. She was saving that little tidbit for when he got a little too cocky as a teenager.

The three adults cleared the table and went to clean up the kitchen while Henry set everything up. They worked in silence, moving together easily. Regina set up to wash, Milah to rinse and Emma to dry and put away. It went quickly with the three of them working. Regina stepped away from the sink when everything was washed and helped Emma dry the backed up dish and put them away. She grabbed the pan she had baked the chicken parmesan in and walked over to the cabinet over the oven. She stretched up on her tip toes, just a little too short to efficiently reach the cabinet. Milah was behind her in an instant, hand on the small of Regina's back, reaching for the pan and putting it away with ease. Regina shivered at the close contact. Milah lingered for a second longer than was strictly necessary before stepping away.

"Got to use the extra height for something." She smirked at Regina before turning away to check if everything was in order.

Regina stared after her for a long second. What exactly was happening tonight? She couldn't quite figure it out. She could fit the pieces together in a way that made sense, but only in one way and with Emma in the picture it didn't make any sense at all. She looked between Milah and Emma, standing close together now, wrapped up in each other for just a second. Milah's hand was on Emma's back like it had been Regina's just a minute before. Regina wanted to step forward and be part of that moment, but not with just one or the other, but with both. She scowled and looked away. That was ridiculous.

"Moms! When are you coming?" Henry called.

Regina whipped right back around and glared at Emma. "This is your fault."

Both Milah and Emma just laughed at the fierce look on Regina's face. Regina only scowled harder. Milah grabbed Emma's hand and tugged her forward a step before grabbing Regina's as well.

"Come, before her majesty pops that vein in her forehead and your son dies of boredom." Milah smiled at them both.

Regina felt so very at peace in that moment, with Milah's hand warm in her own and Emma smiling on the other side. She remembered this feeling. It went along with the smell of hay and horses and the faint smell of homemade soap and strong arms around her. Her heart stuttered to a stop. It couldn't be like this. Being with Emma, that was barely in the realm of possibility, but this? This was impossible. Her heart should not want it. She should not feel like this. Since when had she wanted this? She loved Emma, yes, but that had been years in the making. She thought she barely tolerated Milah, a friend just barely and not more.

But that was how Emma had started out, wasn't it? And look where she was now. They were all so similar and yet so different. Three notes, all from the same instrument and good on their own, but when combined became a chord that was much more.

Regina was sat down on the couch, still beside Milah. She only half registered Henry putting a controller in her hands and instructing her to pick her character. She did it on autopilot, trying and trying to sort through everything that was shooting through her mind. It couldn't be. And yet it didn't matter. She steered herself through the courses, looking like she was a complete novice. Henry was having the time of his life beating his mothers and Milah. Milah was looking at the screen with a confused look on her face and Regina dared to think it was adorable for an instant before snapping out of it. Milah had been slowly taking up the technology of the world, but from the way she was holding the controller and steering like a madwoman Regina guessed that video games were very new. Emma kept laughing and giving her pointers, having as much fun as Henry, even if she was in tenth place.

They had gone through two grand prixes before Regina even realized it. Emma tapped on Milah leg and they switched places without a word. Emma leaned over and rested her head on Regina's shoulder as Henry set up another round.

"I know you're a lot better at this than you're letting on."

Regina tried not to breathe in too deeply with Emma so close. She was surrounded by the other woman and she was drowning without drawling more of the scent of honey and vanilla and Emma into her. Regina turned and looked into deep green eyes.

"Maybe I am," she whispered back. "What of it?"

"I think Henry's won enough, don't you?" She smirked down at their son who was bouncing up and down just barely, picking out his favored Baby Mario.

"So you're proposing we race to win?"

Emma hummed quietly. "Yup, winner of the whole thing gets to pick the movie after the kid's out."

Regina bit her. They had started watching movies on their own a few weeks into the get togethers not quite wanting to leave the others presence after Henry had fallen asleep. They were things that Regina would not have Henry watch, but wanted to see herself. Emma had turned out to be a good viewing partner, able to analyze the movies critically and discuss them with Regina intelligently. Regina loved the conversations they had. They were a chance to actually flex her literary muscles in a way she hadn't had much of a chance to in years.

"I suppose that is a fair deal." Regina smirked at Emma. "We're watching 12 Years a Slave then."

Emma pulled back. "Cocky."

"Always, dear."

They turned just as the countdown for the first race was starting. Regina hit the gas just as the go sounded and shot off, leaving the others behind. She turned and smirked at Emma for just a second before getting serious and taking the turns and twists of the track like a pro. She really did love DK Mountain.

Four races and a fair lot of mumbled cursing from Emma, Regina was in first place, Henry in second, and Emma in third. The last race Emma had fallen off Rainbow Road far too many times to maintain her second place let alone try and claim first. Henry had whooped and Regina had just turned and smiled smugly. Emma glared at her but said nothing more. Milah just laughed at the both of them and returned Henry's high five since she hadn't finished in dead last.

Henry yawned at that moment and Regina looked at him. "Go get ready for bed, Henry."

"But Mom, it's the weekend," he whined.

"And you don't want to waste any of it sleeping in, do you?"

Henry mumbled but trudged out of the room.

The three of them sat in silence, sipping on the white wine since they had polished off the bottle of red. It was a little sweeter than Regina would have liked, but mostly tolerable. Emma sighed and sat her glass down after a few minutes.

"I'm going to go tuck the kid in."

Regina smiled at her. "Ok, he'll probably complain that he's too old. He's been telling me all this week and yet he still settles right down anyway."

Emma laughed. "Sounds like the kid. Be back in a sec."

Regina stretched out now that Emma was gone from beside her. She was feeling a bit drowsy herself, but that was probably just the wine. It always made her just a little tired. She did want to be awake for 12 Years a Slave, so that kept her completely awake otherwise.

She looked over at Milah to find the other woman's light green eyes already on her. "That feeling I spoke to you about?" She said without any preface. "I didn't feel it tonight. It's the first time I've felt whole in a great while."

Regina blinked, unsure of how to respond to that. So she wasn't the only one who had felt the ease the whole night through. But did it really mean anything.

"It has been…nice," Regina said diplomatically. She needed to know where this was going before she said anything more.

"It has been. I don't want to lose the feeling."

And suddenly Regina knew exactly where this was going. But there was no way that Milah meant it how she thought.

"But Emma…" she trailed off, unable to continue.

Milah laughed. "Neither of you are good at hiding love on your faces. You're almost as bad at that as you both are at recognizing it on the faces of others. You both think that no one can love you and that it's a miracle when they do."

Regina's brows scrunched. "But you then."

"Feeling like this, Regina, this wholeness, I don't think it's a stretch of the imagination, do you? We've talked about this before, if only jokingly, Emma and I, the three of us together with Henry as a family. I admit, it's unconventional, but then again, none of us are for convention." Milah stretched out as well, throwing her feet up on the coffee table.

Regina swatted them off in the next second and scowled. "No feet on tables in this house. I just trained Miss Swan to respect that rule, now are you telling me I have to instruct you as well."

Emma clomped back into the room and sat down between the two of them. "Yeah, she really is adamant about that rule." She looked between the two of them, sensing the heavier air in the room than when she had left. "So what's up?"

Milah looked at her for half a second, before reaching out and tugged Regina so she was wrapped around Emma on one side, and wrapped herself around the other, interlacing her fingers with Regina's. "We're going to try something, lass."

Emma sat stunned for half a second before a small smile crawled onto her face. "You mean, you actually, I mean, I thought we were just joking around. You actually thought that was a good idea?"

Milah kissed Emma's cheek. "I think a great many things you suggest are good ideas, if given the right execution."

Emma blinked and looked over at Regina. "And you do too?"

"I believe that in this instance there truly is a case of nothing ventured, nothing gained."

The blonde sat for a minute and then sighed, that little smile morphing into a bigger one. "Ok." She wrapped her arms around the other women's shoulders and sighed. "Ok."

Regina buried her head in Emma's neck and flicked out her magic so that 12 Years a Slave popped up on screen and starting playing. She relaxed fully. Yes, trying something sounded nice.


End file.
